The Only Ones Who Know

[robinauts]

Title: The Only Ones Who Know
Fandom: Jojo's Bizarre Adventure
Pairing: Jotaro Kujo/Noriaki Kakyoin
Rating: R/Explicit
Word count: 10,772
Summary: In the past, Jotaro fumbles through feelings and teenage romance. In the present, Jotaro fumbles through a distance and an apology. In general, Jotaro grows up and tries to fix things.

Note: Originally posted to my AO3 10/4/2015, and has not been edited from that state. See more detailed notes at the end!

The party was loud and dim. People were clustered in corners and against walls and furniture with drinks clutched in their hands. The room was at the surface languid, but Jotaro could feel a tension in the air, hovering around, forcing people closer together and turning conversations more desperate. He didn’t want to be here.

He was out in the backyard of the house they were all stuffed in, out near the fence. The only other people out here were gathered near the doors and windows, keeping close to the light, most of them smoking like he was. The moon was mostly full and the sky was the clearest it had been that week. It was cold. He took another drag.

A classmate had brought him here. He didn’t know anybody beyond him, and he was god-knows-where. There was no point for Jotaro to be here. He wasn’t interested in talking to any of the people here, so he had been rebuffing each attempt until he’d been able to seclude himself properly. He didn’t even like to drink.

He should leave.

He took another drag.

There was a loud burst of laughter from the doorway, the raucous and unabashed kind that generally accompanies being absolutely smashed. Jotaro turned to look, holding the smoke in his lungs. Two figures were stumbling out of the patio door. One was leaning on the other, who was smaller in stature, causing them to lurch as they moved. But the drunker one (as Jotaro decided) was still a bit upright, the more sober one supporting his weight well.

There was a flash of red hair in the darkness. Jotaro released the cloud of smoke, shaking his head at himself, and muttered quietly, “Don’t be an idiot.” He turned away from the patio and moved over to the corner of the yard, away from what illumination the moon provided.

 

-

 

They had been walking to school and were under fire from a small militia of teenage admirers.

Ever since they had… grown closer (that’s the only way Jotaro can think to describe the warmth he feels whenever they interact), both of them had slowly been inserting themselves into the other’s daily routines. Kakyoin was a year below him so they couldn’t share any classes, but they ate lunch together, hidden away behind the school. They spent the breaks between classes talking in a quiet hallway, Kakyoin talking about his classes and Jotaro listening, eyes fixed on Kakyoin’s lit-up face.

They slept over at each other’s houses when they could manage it, playing video games, eating all the junk food Kakyoin’s parents wouldn’t let in the house. That’s what had happened the previous night and Jotaro’s mother had delighted in making breakfast for Kakyoin, who she thought was such a nice friend for you to have!

After finishing their breakfast, the two slipped on their school shoes and Kakyoin said goodbye to Jotaro’s mother, who ruffled his hair and pinched his cheeks and invited him to come back soon, you know we’re always happy to have you!

Kakyoin blushed under the positive attention and promised to return again soon. Kakyoin always seemed to not know what to do with the easy affection Jotaro’s mother gave him; maybe it was just because she had European behaviors, but Jotaro often wondered on how often Kakyoin’s parents were home, and how often they spoke to their child and praised him for his kindness, intelligence, and successes. It troubled him. Kakyoin deserved to be praised.

They began the walk to school. Kakyoin often walked with Jotaro and would meet him in the schoolyard when he could not, so he knew what to expect.

The admirers ambushed them a block down from the shrine, clustering around him and Kakyoin and cooing and squabbling and being loud and unnecessary, following him around even when he was pretty damn certain he had rebuffed them more times than he could count. He couldn’t stand the squall of their voices cluttering his senses, it rubbed his nerves the wrong way, he hated hated hated this daily ordeal, especially when it interfered with what little time he had with Kakyoin.

“Oh my goodness,” he heard Kakyoin murmur to his right. The admirers had quickly noted that Kakyoin was attractive (very attractive) as soon as he had transferred to their school, and he had gained some followers of his own, especially when he was oh so conveniently always near Jotaro. Jotaro didn’t begrudge him this, even if it just added to his headache; neither of them had asked for this. They both just wanted a quiet morning.

They hurried as best they could through the shrine. Jotaro just wanted to make a run for it, but knew that Kakyoin would scold him for being impolite to these people who just wanted his attention. But it’s not his attention they want, Jotaro had often replied. They want whoever they think he is. That’s whose attention they want.

Jotaro had no idea how the gaggle of admirers kept such good pace with them as they went down the long stairs. His and Kakyoin’s long and strong legs allowed them to go faster and skip a few steps, so it should have been here that they left them behind naturally. But he was still stuck with them down at the bottom.

They were pressing in tighter. They were all trying to touch some part of him, his shoulder, his elbow, his torso. They were chattering to each other, shrill and constant, swirling around in his head until he couldn’t think. He clenched his teeth. A hand clamped onto his elbow. His shoulders tensed - he jostled his arm, but the hand clung on. He just wanted to be left alone. Someone snatched his hat off his head. He turned, a snarl ripping out of his throat --

“Excuse me, everyone, but Jotaro and I need to arrive at school early today. We have to speak with a teacher.” Kakyoin’s voice was amiable enough, but Jotaro could hear the coldness just underneath the surface. Kakyoin snatched the hat away from whoever had taken it and handed it back to Jotaro, who promptly placed it back on his head. Kakyoin grabbed his hand, and Jotaro looked down between them at the sight. So did many of the small crowd.

“Nice to see you all,” Kakyoin said with a razor-thin smile. “Have a good morning!” And with that, he tugged Jotaro free of the group and walked him quickly down the street and darting through a shortcut, leaving the morning storm behind.

After a few minutes and no following classmates, their pace slowed. Kakyoin still held his hand.

Jotaro glanced over at him. Kakyoin’s gaze was fixed straight ahead, his other hand holding tight to his bag. He was nervous.

“You’re still holding my hand,” Jotaro stated, eyes stuck on Kakyoin, on his hair, his nose, his eyes.

“I am.” His lips pursed, and he did not let go. His other hand was white-knuckled on the handle of his bag.

Jotaro considered everything: the way Kakyoin looked in the morning, how his hair moved as he walked, the nerves plainly showing (to anyone else they would be invisible, but Jotaro knew better). The feeling of Kakyoin’s slender, smooth hand in his.

Then he let a small smile quirk up one corner of his mouth and shrugged, settling his bag more comfortably over his shoulder. He did not remove his hand. He continued looking forward, but out of the corner of his eye he saw a small, brilliant smile lighting up Kakyoin’s features. His whole frame relaxed and his grip on his bag loosened. He squeezed Jotaro’s hand and intertwined their fingers.

They broke their grip at the gates of school to avoid all of their classmates’ prying eyes, but before they went their separate ways for the morning Jotaro could see that Kakyoin still had a small smile on his face.

His expression remained soft for the rest of the day, and every time Jotaro looked at him he felt as if he were bathing in sunlight.

 

-

 

In the corner of this anonymous, moonlit backyard, Jotaro found a small bench, obviously aged and unwashed. He sat down anyway, not caring if his pants were dirtied. He stubbed out his cigarette, even though it wasn’t anywhere near finished yet, and threw the butt into a flowerpot. He lit another. He took a drag. He held it in.

Someone sat down next to him. He exhaled, smoke clouding the air in front of him.

“Yes, I know they’re bad for me,” he said, knowing who was next to him by their form, their warmth, the air Jotaro was breathing.

“How many times have I told you to quit?” Kakyoin chuckled, leaning back against the fence. Jotaro glanced to the side.

Kakyoin had cut his hair. It was shorter in the back, trimmed to the hairline. The bang in the front was a bit shorter as well, but still present. He was wearing glasses. But god, if it wasn’t still Kakyoin. There was same way he held himself, the same smooth line of his jaw, the same spark in his eyes.

Jotaro decided to be blunt; it was what Kakyoin was expecting. “What are you doing here?” he asked.

“At this party?” Damn him, he knew what he had meant. “My cousin knows a few people here. He’s the one asleep over there.” Kakyoin gestured to the man who had been laughing earlier, now slumped on the patio table.

“You didn’t tell me you had family in Florida.”

Kakyoin shrugged. “They moved here two years ago.” He fixed his eyes at the windows of the house, watching the partygoers. “So you wouldn’t know.”

Jotaro took another drag of his cigarette. He breathed it out.

 

-

 

They were sitting shoulder to shoulder underneath a cedar tree at the back of the school, hidden away from everyone else. Jotaro had his mother’s bento in his lap and Kakyoin had one as well. His mother had started making an additional lunch for Kakyoin after she had heard that the other teenager usually bought his at a convenience store. Kakyoin always ate his handmade lunch carefully, Jotaro noticed, like he was savoring each bite, and he always told Jotaro to pass along his thanks to his mother.

Kakyoin was speaking at length on a book he had read recently on Spanish artwork. Jotaro was eating his lunch and following along as best he could, but mostly he was staring at Kakyoin as he spoke.

He was a sight when he was passionate about something - he got so animated, his eyes bright and his mouth moving quickly. He was eloquent on his subject, even as his words tripped over each other occasionally. Kakyoin didn’t often let himself get outwardly excited about the things he enjoyed; too many years of isolation had drawn him into himself and made him wary of such acts of self-expression.

But right now, with just the two of them, he was lovely and full of energy in the dappled sunlight. Jotaro didn’t want to be anywhere else.

“And it’s always just so interesting, Jojo, how these things grow and change with the history of the country!” He said, picking up his chopsticks again and lifting an inarizushi into his mouth. “I’ve never really studied much of modern Spanish history,” he continued, speaking around the tofu, “But it certainly is something. You hear all about how Picasso is so important and he is, but you don’t really understand that he is until you know about the civil war and everything leading up to it.” Jotaro nodded along, reaching down and grabbing his bottle of water, taking a few deep drinks from it.

There was a pause in Kakyoin’s monologue. Jotaro looked over at him. The other was staring at him as he drank, mouth hanging open a little, having trailed off from his speech. He noticed Jotaro’s eyes on him and diverted his gaze, a light flush rising to his cheeks.

“Ah - hm.” He said, cutting himself off, staring down at the bento in his lap.

“Hm?” Jotaro put down his bottle, tamping down the compulsion to adjust his hat. He suddenly felt Kakyoin’s warmth against his side more keenly than before, the press of their arms together, the slight touch of their thighs, their knees. Kakyoin’s face was so close to his.

“Jotaro, I -” Kakyoin started and then halted, eyes fixed on his lap with Jotaro’s eyes glued to his face. The moment hung in the air.

Kakyoin turned his head and met his gaze. Their faces were so close.

Kakyoin leaned in so slowly, holding eye contact, giving Jotaro time to move away. He didn’t.

Kakyoin brushed their lips together, and Jotaro felt sparks in the places where their mouths touched. He didn’t move away. Kakyoin leaned in closer, pressing their mouths together. His lips were so soft. His eyes were closed. He looked so perfect.

They stayed with their mouths just… pressed together for a moment. Kakyoin broke away, his eyes lifting open, his face pink. He was giggling. Jotaro raised an eyebrow.

The other managed to stop laughing. “I have no idea what to do after that!” He admitted with sheepish smile.

“You’ve never kissed anyone before?” Jotaro asked him. Ridiculous. Kakyoin must have kissed someone before, he was… Kakyoin.

“Me? No!” Kakyoin said, breaking down into a fresh set of giggles. “You’re the closest I’ve ever been to anyone, Jojo, you know that.”

He did. Kakyoin had told him so before. As always, Jotaro felt a swell of satisfaction and pride and warmth in his chest at that.

“And it’s not like you’ve ever kissed anybody before,” Kakyoin said, poking him in the chest.

Jotaro shrugged. “Never been anybody I wanted to kiss before.”

The blush on Kakyoin’s face renewed its efforts to make him as red as his hair and a grin spread across his face. “Is that so?” he asked coyly, but it was obvious how excited and flustered he was. Jotaro felt his heart swell.

“Yeah,” Jotaro said.

“Guess we have to figure it out for ourselves then,” Kakyoin flirted, wide smile stuck on his face, looking as young and relieved and overjoyed as Jotaro felt.

Jotaro, in lieu of replying, leaned in again, a smile of his own on his face.

 

-

 

“How are you?” Jotaro ventured into the silence. Kakyoin didn’t seem to be willing to begin the conversation, so he supposed he had to.

“I’m doing fine. I’m almost done with my degree.” Jotaro hoped he was still in painting; he had been so excited to begin art school. “How is your studying?” he continued, and Jotaro couldn’t tell what his detached tone meant. His face was impassive, as much as Jotaro could discern? in the faint moonlight.

“I’m in graduate school now, getting my master’s.”

“Still marine biology?”

“Yeah.”

Kakyoin shrugged. “At least that’s still the same.”

“Yeah.”

There was a long pause. The air was heavy. Jotaro took a deep drag of his cigarette, the smoke sitting heavy in his lungs. He held it for as long as he could, then let it go.

Kakyoin let out a quiet frustrated growl, starting to stand. “Listen, if that’s all you’re going to give me, I need to get home.”

In a moment of boldness and sudden desperation, Jotaro grabbed his arm. Kakyoin looked down at him, but made no attempt to remove himself from Jotaro’s grip. Jotaro sat there and Kakyoin stood there, and neither moved. The cigarette continued to burn in Jotaro’s other hand.

Jotaro pulled himself up on Kakyoin. Standing, he could tell that their difference in height was even greater than before, himself just over a head taller than Kakyoin. Jotaro had bulked up a bit and grown broader, while Kakyoin had retained his slender form and high waist.

Jotaro could tell Kakyoin was impatient for him to either say something or release him. He was pretty sure that Kakyoin would prefer the former, but maybe that was just wishful thinking.

He eventually shrugged, and met Kakyoin’s eyes. “I was about to leave as well,” he said simply, and carefully held their gaze.

Kakyoin was trying not to give anything away, but Jotaro could feel him leaning into him, could tell that for Kakyoin, this was still as natural as breathing too.

“Can your cousin get home?” Jotaro continued, every word loaded, every breath a question.

Kakyoin eventually broke their eye contact to look back over at the table. He shrugged, slowly looking back up at Jotaro. “Probably,” he said quietly. “He’s the one who drove us here.”

“He’ll be out for a while though.” The air was still heavy, but it was just a bit different from before, and it went down Jotaro’s lungs easier.

“Possibly the whole night.” Kakyoin was fighting a smile, Jotaro knew it.

“No need for you to stay here.”

“Of course not.”

“How long is the drive back?”

“I’m staying pretty far away.”

“No point driving so long so late at night.”

“Better just to crash somewhere.”

“I live pretty close by.”

“Nothing else to do,” Kakyoin concluded, finally letting the smile curl onto his face. Jotaro felt one come up too, and allowed it. The air flowed freely.

“My car’s out front,” he said. Kakyoin nodded, then, as if on impulse, leaned upward, and pressed a kiss to Jotaro’s neck. He had to restrain a noise. God, it had been so long since anything at all, and longer still since anything that meant something. Four years, he was certain.

He had known since Kakyoin sat down next to him that he couldn’t let this just pass by, not after he had been without him for so long. He stubbed out his cigarette, and the two of them went back into the house, Jotaro’s hand sliding down to Kakyoin’s arm to his wrist.

 

-

 

They were curled up together on Jotaro’s couch, Kakyoin laying on top of Jotaro as he read a book and Jotaro watched TV. Jotaro’s arm was slung across Kakyoin’s waist and their legs were intertwined. It was warm and comfortable, and Jotaro felt safe with Kakyoin curled on top of him. He wound his arm a little tighter around the other - it was foolish, he knew, but a surge of protectiveness surged up in him. He could protect Kakyoin in this moment, and he swore to himself that he would for the rest of his life. He didn’t care about much, but he cared about this.

Kakyoin dropped the book he was reading onto the floor and shifted a little against Jotaro’s body, settling in and turning over to watch the TV program. Something about sharks. Usually Jotaro would be engrossed in this, but he found himself unable to focus when Kakyoin was warm and solid and himself on his torso, pressing against him, all along the length of his body, thighs and arms and waist and shoulders and hips.

Jotaro swallowed.

Kakyoin’s eyes glanced away from the TV set and up to Jotaro’s face, which he was sure was flushed. Yep, it was - Kakyoin’s mouth was curling into a smirk, and his leg was shifting minutely higher between Jotaro’s, pressing a little bit more into his crotch, and adjusting so he was more firmly straddling one of Jotaro’s thighs.

Jotaro was really unable to focus on these sharks.

“Hey,” Kakyoin said, voice low. “Can you turn off the TV?”

Jotaro fumbled on the floor for the remote, found it, and turned off the TV. He could feel every breath Kakyoin was taking and every movement of his hips.

In the new quiet of the room, Kakyoin dragged himself upward, closer to Jotaro’s face, and this caused his leg to rise between Jotaro’s, pressing firmly against Jotaro’s crotch. His breath was coming harsher, shuddering out of his chest. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Jotaro’s, kissing him open-mouthed, and Jotaro responded in kind. They had both gotten much better at kissing in recent months.

His hips began rubbing up and down Jotaro’s thigh, and Jotaro barely restrained a groan as Kakyoin’s leg grinded against his swelling erection. Kakyoin’s hands entwined themselves in Jotaro’s hair, and Jotaro placed his hands on Kakyoin’s waist, rubbing his thumbs in circling, holding him there as Kakyoin pressed closer and closer, as they kissed and kissed in the late afternoon sunlight.

“You can move your hands, uh, further down,” Kakyoin whispered against Jotaro’s mouth, arching his hips up so Jotaro’s hands could slip down to grip his ass through his shorts. Both of them sucked in a gasp and Jotaro started squeezing and feeling him, and Kakyoin’s hips stuttered in their movement.

“Fuck,” Jotaro muttered, arching his hips up to grind against the other. His breathing was heavy, every one audible and laborious, his chest and lungs consumed with heat and hormones. Kakyoin grinned, burying his face in Jotaro’s neck to bite and suck behind his ear, causing Jotaro to crinkle his head against his shoulder and harshly grab Kakyoin’s ass.

“Jotaro,” Kakyoin breathed, his hips moving stronger against Jotaro, both of their erections pressing against each other.

A moan slipped out of Jotaro’s throat. “Y-yeah?”

“Do you want to, uh. Go to your room?” Kakyoin seemed to also be trying his best to keep cool, even as his face grew more flushed and his movements more desperate.

Jotaro nodded. “Yeah,” he said, and Kakyoin got up off of him, standing on wobbly knees. Jotaro followed him off the couch and Kakyoin grabbed his hand, and they stumbled through the pathways of Jotaro’s family home until they reached Jotaro’s room. Kakyoin opened the sliding door and they entered, Jotaro closing it behind them.

They sat down on Jotaro’s futon and faced each other. There was an awkward moment of silence, and then Kakyoin giggled nervously.

“Maybe we should… take off our clothes? Oh, god,” he chuckled as he buried his face in his hands, and Jotaro smiled a little too, following Kakyoin in tugging off his shirt.

Kakyoin laid Jotaro back against the mattress and straddled his hips, balancing his fingertips on Jotaro’s upper chest. There was another pause, and Kakyoin gave an uncertain smile and nudged their hips against each other, drawing a hiss out of Jotaro as his interest was renewed. At his reaction and the growing stiffness against his ass, Kakyoin moved again, and soon Jotaro was up to full hardness.

Kakyoin slid down Jotaro’s body to unzip his pants, pulling down his boxers and revealing his dick. They had fooled around before, had blown each other - Kakyoin had even once let Jotaro fuck his thighs - but the air today was different, and somehow Jotaro knew that today would result in more. He gulped down breath as Kakyoin licked his hand and set to work jacking Jotaro off slowly.

“Jotaro,” Kakyoin said in a slightly trembling voice, looking just above Jotaro’s head, avoiding looking at Jotaro’s face or his dick in embarrassment. “Jotaro, today, can we - can we…”

Jotaro nodded jerkily. Kakyoin gave a shy smile, and let go of Jotaro to move over to his coat, pulling a condom and a small tube out of the pocket, about the size of Jotaro’s lighter. It was half full.

“I’ve been… experimenting,” Kakyoin admitted, tossing the tube onto the futon and unbuckling his belt. “At home.” He unzipped his pants. “I knew I wanted to do this with you, I just wanted to make sure that I…” He pulled his pants down over his hips. “That I knew what to expect.” He crawled onto Jotaro’s futon to lay beside him. Jotaro moved over a little to let him have some room. Jotaro saw Kakyoin hesitate for a moment, but then he slipped his thumbs into the waistband of his underwear and pulled them down over his hipbones, down over his soft thighs, down to his shins. Kakyoin’s pale hips looked delicate in the gentle sunlight filtering through the screen door, and his cock laid half-hard against his lower stomach. Jotaro wanted to touch every part of him and somehow tell him through his fingertips how much Jotaro felt that he couldn’t express in words.

Color high on his cheeks, Kakyoin said softly, “Jotaro, could you pass me the… the…” Jotaro knew what he meant, and he could feel his face burn as well. He grabbed the bottle and handed it to Kakyoin, who uncapped it and squirted a little bit onto his right index and middle fingers. He returned the bottle to Jotaro, and he wasn’t sure what to do with it, so he just held it in his hand if Kakyoin needed some more.

Kakyoin turned a bit onto his side, facing Jotaro, and snaked his hand over his hip. Both he and Jotaro held their breaths as Kakyoin pushed the first finger against his rim. Kakyoin let out a controlled exhale, then pushed his finger in further. And further. Kakyoin drew his arm back, then he moved it in again, deeper now.

Jotaro didn’t know where to look between Kakyoin’s bitten lip, his flushed cheeks, the hand reaching behind him and pushing inside himself. This was so much. He was so hard. He didn’t know what to do.

Kakyoin squeaked as he twisted his hand a little, and Jotaro’s eyes were drawn back to Kakyoin’s open mouth and red swollen lips. “J-Jotaro,” Kakyoin said breathily, avoiding looking at Jotaro’s fixed gaze. “Jotaro, can you… fffuck, Jotaro…”

He was pretty sure his heart was about to explode, along with his dick. “What do you want me to do,” he replied, nervousness making him tense up. Holy shit.

“Kiss me,” Kakyoin softly pleaded, and Jotaro could never say no to him, and especially never to that request. He placed his hands on the sides Kakyoin’s face and leaned in close to kiss him softly. Kakyoin’s tongue immediately pushed into his mouth and Jotaro sucked on it as gently as he could manage, what with the tiny moans coming up from Kakyoin’s throat and the panting breaths shaking his chest, and Jotaro could feel and see Kakyoin’s arm moving back and forth, in and out. He had put in another finger. Kakyoin bit softly at his lower lip, and Jotaro moved a hand to his shoulder to pull him closer, to have their bare chests touch, to feel Kakyoin breathe.

“I’m ready,” Kakyoin eventually said tightly as he removed his fingers, and Jotaro froze up. Fuck. He knew it would get this far, he wanted it to get this far, but now that they were this far, he had no idea what to do. He knew the idea of it, what this kind of sex would consist of, but here, with Kakyoin in his arms, he was fumbling for the next step. Humiliating.

A slight giggle broke him out of his mounting panic. He looked down at Kakyoin, who was smiling, not unkindly. He leaned in to kiss him gently, and said quietly, “I’m nervous too.” He pushed at Jotaro’s shoulder, urging him to lay on his back, and Jotaro complied. Kakyoin pulled his pants and boxers all the way down to his knees and then straddled him like that.

And Jotaro drank in the sight of him: slender and flushed and there, sitting on his hips, smiling satisfactorily like there was nowhere else he’d rather be.

Kakyoin took his cock in his hand again, stroking it back to full, and picked up the condom. He tore open the foil wrapper and put the edge on Jotaro’s cockhead, shimmying it down. He left the appropriate space unfilled at the top, and Jotaro flashed back to two months ago, to the embarrassed announcement by Kakyoin of an hour he had spent looking up proper condom procedures, with a sheepish little grin on his face, the way he had stood, the way he had looked. God, he was so lucky. Kakyoin was so sweet, and Jotaro couldn’t believe he was here, sitting on his lap, ensuring correct condom safety, even though this was both their first time and nobody could get pregnant.

“If we do it in this position, I can control how much, uh, goes in at a time, so I think that would be good,” Kakyoin said, smiling still, but nerves showing through. He felt a little bad about it, but Jotaro was relieved at that, the fact that both of them barely knew what they were doing.

Kakyoin gripped his cock and lined it up with his entrance. He took a deep breath, and started sinking down slowly, so slowly, stopping at every hiss of breath, pausing, then continuing.

Jotaro was going to die.

Kakyoin was so tight and warm. He was clenching around Jotaro’s cock and Jotaro could barely breathe, it felt so good. Kakyoin had blown him a few times and that had been warm and wet and so so good, but this was a wholly different experience. Holy fuck. Kakyoin was letting out controlled gasps as he edged down Jotaro’s cock and his head was bowed forward, biting his lip as he accommodated himself.

“God… Jotaro… fuck!” Kakyoin whimpered out, moving up a little and then dropping back down further. Jotaro let loose a low groan and Kakyoin tightened up around him. His hand darted up to squeeze Kakyoin’s thigh.

Eventually, Kakyoin had seated himself fully on Jotaro’s cock, and for a moment both of them paused, getting used to the sensation of Kakyoin taking all of Jotaro into himself.

Then Kakyoin took a deep, trembling breath and squared his shoulders. He looked Jotaro in the eye and gave him a little smile. “Alright. Let’s go.”

Jotaro experimentally rocked his hips up and both of them near-yelped at the sensation produced, Jotaro’s legs kicking sporadically and Kakyoin tightening and bearing down on Jotaro.

Kakyoin weakly laughed. “Oh… oh wow. This is... so much more than I was expecting.” He moved up and down just a little, bracing his hands on Jotaro’s lower stomach. “My fingers aren’t as, uh… big.”

Jotaro flushed at that comment, and at Kakyoin slowing moving and adjusting and rocking on his cock. He held Kakyoin’s hips gently, letting Kakyoin move as he wanted. Eventually, Kakyoin adopted a steady pace, bouncing himself up and down, bracing his hands on Jotaro’s chest. His breathing gained harshness and eventually turned into pretty sighs and moans, his mouth hanging open. Jotaro didn’t know where to look: his face, his chest, his hips. So he just closed his eyes and felt.

Things rapidly escalated from there, both of them hurtling closer and closer to climax. Jotaro started releasing some noises of his own, much to his embarrassment, while Kakyoin’s rhythm increased in speed and force. He slammed himself down on Jotaro’s cock, letting out loud, unrestrained moans and scratching his nails down Jotaro’s torso, which in the heat of the moment felt incredible, white-hot.

Eventually, the tight warmth of Kakyoin because too much for him and he crested over, spilling inside of the condom. Every breath came heavy after that, and he released a surprised grunt at his oversensitivity as Kakyoin lifted off of him, flashing a quick smile with hooded eyes, flush high in his cheeks. “It’s okay,” Kakyoin panted, laying down next to him and slipping a hand behind himself. “I can finish myself off.”

Jotaro thought about protesting, about pushing Kakyoin over and blowing him or something, but Kakyoin seemed really determined and okay about it, and Jotaro wasn’t very good at blowjobs or just even being able to do that kind of stuff without embarrassment anyway, and Kakyoin seemed okay with finishing himself off - he preferred it - so Jotaro just removed the condom and tied it off, throwing it into the trash can. Then he laid back down and rested a hand on Kakyoin’s hip until the other spilled into his hand, pressing kisses onto his shoulder as Kakyoin let out a final, high-pitched whine.

They laid there in the aftermath for a moment together, Kakyoin shuffling closer to press his face against Jotaro’s chest before he stood, murmuring something about washing his hands. Jotaro grunted in acknowledgment. The drain sex had had on his energy combined with the warmth of the room and the late hour of the day were causing him to drift off, and he let himself, especially once he felt Kakyoin return to his side, burrowing in under his arm.

The sun dipped below the horizon as he faded into unconsciousness, and Jotaro felt a hand gently stroke his cheek. He was pretty sure he heard Kakyoin whisper “I love you,” to him, but by that point he was too asleep to think much of it.

 

-

 

The drive back to Jotaro’s apartment was quiet, but not in a bad way. Just not really in a good way, either.

He parked, they exited the car, Jotaro led Kakyoin up the stairs to his 3rd floor apartment. He unlocked the door and let Kakyoin in, not bothering to flick on the lights in the main room. He hung his jacket on the coat rack, and turned to take Kakyoin’s. The other absently shrugged out of his blazer and handed it over, and Jotaro could see him taking stock of the sparse furnishings of the apartment.

“I’m not here a lot, so I never really bothered to decorate beyond the necessities,” Jotaro told him.

Kakyoin’s eyes were drifting over the bare walls, the empty spaces, the plain drapes through which moonlight weakly shone, all these absences that made it look like anybody and nobody lived there. “I see.” Jotaro itched for a smoke, but it would be weird if he went out onto the balcony. They were here for a reason, anyway, and Kakyoin probably wouldn’t appreciate it if he just abandoned him in his entirely un-lived in apartment.

Jotaro jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “Bedroom’s that way.” He started walking down the hallway towards it, unbuttoning his shirt as he went.

Kakyoin snorted, but followed behind him. “What a gentleman.” Jotaro could hear the reluctant smile in his tone.

“You know me.”

“Yeah,” Kakyoin said under his breath, so quietly that Jotaro wasn’t sure if he was meant to hear it or not. “I do.”

Jotaro’s bed had navy sheets and two pillows, and his comforter was packed up in the closet as Florida summers and his apartment’s faulty air conditioning didn’t allow for much layering. His desk was littered with papers, notebooks, and myriad office supplies; there was a pile of textbooks on the floor next to it. Jotaro wanted to tidy up the unmade bed and messy workspace, but he knew that was ridiculous. It was just Kakyoin.

Just Kakyoin.

He tossed his hat onto the desk and his shirt into the laundry hamper, and started pulling off his undershirt. When he got it off his head, he saw Kakyoin undressing as well, having placed his glasses alongside Jotaro’s hat. He felt that should mean something significant, but he didn’t want to assume anything.

He saw Kakyoin’s hands reach for the zipper on his skirt, and he grabbed his wrist. “Hey. Wait a second.” Kakyoin quirked a look up at him in question. Jotaro gestured to the bed, and Kakyoin shrugged and clambered on, sitting with his back to the wall. Jotaro followed him on his hands and knees over him, and set to work on Kakyoin’s skirt, undoing the zipper and pulling it down.

“What are you up to down there?” Kakyoin murmured, stroking through Jotaro’s hair with a hand.

“Gonna blow you,” Jotaro replied, and even though Kakyoin let loose an airy laugh at his bluntness, Jotaro saw his mostly limp dick twitch through his underwear.

“Well, it’s not like I’m going to say no to that,” he commented wryly, and Jotaro snorted, pulling the waistband of Kakyoin’s underwear down so he could access his dick. Kakyoin accommodatingly lifted his hips and Jotaro slid his underwear down his legs to join his skirt, and took both off so his lower body was bare. The skin around his hips was still soft, Jotaro noted as he fitted his hands around them, so smooth and sensitive. Delicate.

Kakyoin squirmed a bit at the gentle, firm contact, looking off to the side in slight bashfulness. Jotaro spit onto his hand and started jacking Kakyoin off slowly to get him warmed up.

Kakyoin shivered as he grew harder, and at a certain point, listening to his increasingly harsh breaths, Jotaro decided it was time to switch over. Holding Kakyoin’s dick steady in his hand, he leaned down and enveloped the head. Kakyoin released a drawn out moan, fingers clenching in the sheets. He sounded exactly the same as he did the last time Jotaro did this.

Jotaro moved steadily, taking more in until it hit the back of his mouth. He moved his head up and down, careful to keep his lips curled over his teeth. No need to cause Kakyoin anymore undue pain, he thought to himself, and then figured he should just focus on the blowjob for now.

In one hand he held the base of Kakyoin’s dick; with the other he stroked his thigh. Kakyoin’s hand slapped down on his and for a moment Jotaro stilled, thinking that Kakyoin was about to push it off. He just wanted to be gentle about this, to maybe apologize without speaking. If he couldn’t do that, he at least wanted his last time with Kakyoin to be as good as - better than - every time that came before.

But no, Kakyoin just clenched his hand around Jotaro’s - something solid to grab onto that wasn’t a blanket. Jotaro squeezed Kakyoin’s thigh and resumed his work. He flattened his tongue as he moved, paused near the top to tongue at the head, pulled off and made long, broad strokes of his tongue up the length of Kakyoin’s dick. He did everything he could remember, everything he had liked and everything Kakyoin had liked, something to convince Kakyoin to stay. In the back of his mind, he knew that a good fuck wouldn’t heal over anything, but some irrational part of his head was screaming at him to keep Kakyoin in his bed for as long as he could. He relaxed his throat and swallowed Kakyoin down the best he was able to manage.

“Jotaro, Jotaro…” Kakyoin panted, nudging at his head. Jotaro’s gaze darted up and he halted all movement. Fuck. Fuck. What did he do. Shit.

The other was red-faced, chest heaving. “Jotaro, god, if you keep on doing that I’m gonna…” He couldn’t meet Jotaro’s eyes at this. Oh. Well, at least he hadn’t lost any finesse over the years.

Sitting up, he leaned over Kakyoin’s sprawled form and opened the third drawer next to his bed. He heard Kakyoin’s breath hitch a little and a tentative hand stroke over his chest, feeling the firm muscle there. Jotaro had grown a bit broader in his time away, and Kakyoin definitely was noticing. Jotaro couldn’t help but feel a bit of pride at that. He fished out the lube and settled back on his haunches near Kakyoin’s hips.

Kakyoin said, “Do you want me to do that?” He lifted his hand and looked uncertain, a bit trepidatious.

“No, it’s fine,” Jotaro said. “I can.”

Kakyoin nodded and shifted his hips, tilting a little so Jotaro could get a better angle.

“Hand me one of the pillows,” Jotaro told him. Kakyoin reached behind him and passed one over. Jotaro lifted his hips and stuffed it underneath him.

“That should work better,” he said gruffly, focusing himself on opening the cap to lube and slathering it on a few of his fingers. He heard a quiet little laugh from Kakyoin, although it didn’t seem unkind.

Jotaro fitted his hand around Kakyoin’s hipbone, slotting into the spaces easily. Kakyoin shifted a bit, drawing in a quiet little breath and closing his eyes. Jotaro pushed his index finger against Kakyoin’s hole. He saw Kakyoin relax himself, and he looked up at the other. Kakyoin opened his eyes halfway at his pause, saw Jotaro looking up at him, waiting, and nodded slightly before closing his eyes again, letting out a shuddering exhale.

His index finger pushed in and Kakyoin made a little noise, a slight moan inside a sigh. Jotaro slowly wiggled his finger deeper inside until he was into the bottom knuckle. He shifted it up and down, eyes trained on Kakyoin’s face to make sure he wasn’t feeling any pain, to make sure Jotaro was doing this right for him. Kakyoin’s breathing was harsh and through his nose, small whimpers being released with every one. His hands were fisting the blanket. After a few minutes he felt Kakyoin get more relaxed around him, and removed his finger and came back in with a second.

He continued at this, staring up at Kakyoin to ensure there was no discomfort, watching as his eyes scrunched up, as he bit his lip, as he let out a gasp, as his mouth hung open with a low groan. Every single thing he did, Jotaro did his best to commit to memory.

Eventually, Kakyoin nudged at Jotaro’s head and mumbled out, “I - I think I’m ready.” Jotaro pressed a kiss against his hipbone and pulled his fingers out, grabbing the condom and putting it on himself. As he did so, Kakyoin absently stroked his thigh with the tips of his fingers. Jotaro’s eyes flicked up to Kakyoin’s face as he gripped himself, spreading on lube and getting to full hardness. He caught Kakyoin’s eyes peering down at his hand, and then to the side in minor embarrassment. Jotaro resisted the urge to smirk, and instead steadied himself and pressed the tip against Kakyoin’s entrance.

“You sure you’re ready?” he said.

“Mm-hm,” Kakyoin replied, tipping his head back. “Yeah.”

“Alright.” And with that, he guided himself in.

It was slow going, of course. That’s just how these things are. Jotaro would push in, Kakyoin would whimper or murmur something, Jotaro would pause. Eventually, Kakyoin would nod or squeeze his thigh, and Jotaro would continue until Kakyoin signalled him to stop. But eventually, Jotaro got in to the base, and they both just let themselves feel.

God, Kakyoin was still so tight around him, so fucking hot. One of the best sensations he’s ever experienced. He had to restrain himself to not immediately start thrusting, to get more of the friction he’d just been tasting, but Kakyoin was obviously still adjusting to his girth so he stayed put.

He arched up to suck and bite at Kakyoin’s neck and collarbones. Selfish, selfish, selfish, a part of him hissed, but damn it, he wanted to leave something behind, even if it was only bruises. Besides, Kakyoin’s neck had always been incredibly sensitive. It still was, judging by how he whined and raised his shoulders at Jotaro’s mouth. The little noises he made got to Jotaro like nothing else.

“Can I…?” He ventured into Kakyoin’s ear, stroking his side with his whole palm. Kakyoin let out a deep shuddering breath, relaxed his entire body, and nodded. His eyes were clenched shut.

Jotaro pulled his hips back slowly, thrusting minutely back in every few seconds, a stuttered escape. Eventually, he got all the way back out, then slid all the back in. Kakyoin’s breath hitched and he let out a groan. Jotaro nipped him again at the base of his neck, curled over his whole body. He thrust a few more times, each one gaining power, but still holding back to ensure Kakyoin was able to get used to him.

Then Kakyoin pressed his face into Jotaro’s hair and whispered, “It’s okay to go… more.” Though clumsily said through modesty, Jotaro understood what he meant, and drew his hips back in order to slam into Kakyoin on his next thrust. Kakyoin fucking screamed. His whole body hitched up and he flung his arms around Jotaro’s shoulders, pressing them close together. Encouraged, Jotaro repeated the action, again and again and again, making him take the full length of him each time.

“Fuck, Jotaro - I’m so fucking full, Jotaro, shit!” Kakyoin whined out, hitching his legs up around Jotaro’s waist so he could get a better angle. He was so tight, god, and when Jotaro lifted his head he could see Kakyoin’s face was red and his hair was in disarray. He was normally so composed, so calm - he only ever got like this during sex. And so Jotaro was the only person who had ever seen him come so undone.

(At least, he hoped so. It wasn’t any of his business what Kakyoin had gotten up to, but he was a selfish person at heart and burningly hoped that Kakyoin hadn’t been touched by anyone else. Mine, mine, mine, some animalistic part of him howled in triumph with each thrust of his hips, and Jotaro wished it was right.)

Hickeys littered Kakyoin’s neck as well, many too high to cover up with clothes, and Jotaro felt an ashamed sense of victory. He pounded into Kakyoin, gripping his hips so tightly he knew he was pressing bruises in the shape of his fingerprints into his skin. God, Kakyoin was going to be covered in marks after this. Good. Maybe that would communicate what he was never able to - that he wanted Kakyoin to stick around, that he was unashamed of Kakyoin, that he needed Kakyoin, that he… that he…

He cut that train of thought off. No use thinking of that now.

He knew he was being rough, but Kakyoin was responding eagerly and crying out at each thrust, leaving his own marks on Jotaro’s back. His legs were spread wide, clutching tight at his waist. He was taking Jotaro so well, tight and responsive and still such a good fuck.

Jotaro was arched over Kakyoin, covering him with his body; Kakyoin was so small underneath him, taking all of him, his limbs wrapped around Jotaro. He leaned down and their lips met messily, kissing without much care, only desperation. Their teeth were clacking and they were biting at each other’s lips, but they were there and present with each other and that was all that seemed to matter.

The sound of them together filled the whole room. It was dirty, it was loud, it was utterly base, and it was so easy to understand. But at the same time, every sound out of Kakyoin, every twitch and every movement, stirred up feelings in Jotaro that he could barely make sense of. But he knew what they were.

“Oh god - oh god - Jotaro,” Kakyoin panted out into Jotaro’s mouth, his body being shoved towards the headboard with the force of his thrusts. His nails bit into Jotaro’s shoulder blades. “God, harder - Jotaro, I’m, I’m almost, Jotaro…!”

Jotaro slapped Kakyoin’s thigh, relishing the cry he gave, and slammed into him. His fingers pressed bruises into Kakyoin’s pale thighs. Kakyoin’s mouth was hanging open as he wailed with pleasure, body tightening, he was thin and delicate underneath Jotaro but still so present, so there, the only person in the entire world, and Jotaro’s head narrowed down to just Kakyoin, just this bed, the two of them close close close in the pale moonlight, closer than they’d been for years now, their bodies and minds merging - and it felt so good that Jotaro was almost able to forget how it wouldn’t last much longer, not with the night speeding by and how now Kakyoin was tensing up, releasing a strangled gasp and then a long, loud groan, coming all over his stomach. Jotaro thrust a few more times into him, but the combination of Kakyoin’s noises and the sudden vice around his cock had him spilling into the condom shortly after. And it was over.

That had been the easy part. Bodies were bodies. He had no clue what would happen next, in the aftermath.

They both were panting, chests heaving, but the action was subsiding. Jotaro slipped out of Kakyoin, who let out a soft moan, uncrossing his legs from around Jotaro’s waist. He sat up, glancing down at Kakyoin lying there in the sweaty sheets, catching his breath. His cheeks and neck were still flushed. He was glowing in the moonlight. Jotaro disposed of the condom and laid back down next to him, gathering Kakyoin close to him, relieved beyond belief when he cuddled up to him in turn.

They laid there, sweat cooling on their bodies, for an eternity. The room was warm and comfortable. Kakyoin was safe and present.

Kakyoin was in his arms again.

Jotaro never wanted to leave the room. This was everything he’s ever wanted.

It was so quiet and soft.

He breathed easy, the best he ever had in the humid Florida air.

“I still love you,” Kakyoin murmured, face buried in Jotaro’s neck.

“I never stopped,” Jotaro replied, rubbing his hand up and down Kakyoin’s waist.

He felt the other tense in his arms. Shit. “Then why the fuck did you stop calling?” he ground out, clenching tightly to Jotaro’s shoulder.

Jotaro tried to gather his thoughts as the air in the room suddenly thickened, tried to find the right thing to say, tried to find something that wouldn’t fuck up what they had managed to rebuild tonight. Kakyoin didn’t give him time. “Answer me,” he quietly demanded into his collarbone, and Jotaro could feel him trembling with everything Jotaro had subjected him to. Fuck. Fuck. Shit.

“I don’t know why,” he blurted out. Fuck. Dammit.

“Don’t know why?” Kakyoin repeated, sitting up harshly, ripping his hands away from Jotaro’s shoulder. “Well, I’m in the same boat, Jotaro. I have absolutely no idea why my boyfriend stopped talking to me all of a sudden. I didn’t know what I had done wrong, other than be an ocean away. I waited for you to talk to me, to return my calls, to reply to my letters. I got nothing, Jotaro, and especially no explanation, except to think that maybe you had never loved me as much as I loved you. You fucking -” And here his voice broke, and Jotaro felt helpless and god, he hated having feelings, he hated how his stupid ass feelings and weakness had made Kakyoin cry like this. “You fucking broke my heart.”

Kakyoin looked angry at having to wipe his eyes, and Jotaro lifted a hand ineffectively, not knowing what to do, how to fix this, remembering lying awake at night in a muggy apartment staring at the ceiling and being terrified to call Kakyoin, to confront the fact that he had been avoiding him because he didn’t know what to do to patch things up, to fix the mistakes he’d made and it had been so damn long since they last spoke - even longer since they had seen each other - and he didn’t know how to ease into conversation again, terrified that Kakyoin was furious at him and never wanted to hear his voice again after he had fucked up so bad, terrified to face the idea that he had made Kakyoin sad, terrified that Kakyoin had moved on already.

Kakyoin, here, semen still on his stomach, shook Jotaro’s shoulder, a few stubborn tears sliding down his cheeks. “Fucking - damn it, Jotaro, answer me!”

“I was scared,” Jotaro managed to choke out, and he felt tears that had been restrained for the past three and a half years, for the past thirteen years, well up and start sliding down his cheeks, and he felt humiliated but so, so relieved. “I was scared.”

At this Kakyoin fell silent except for the sobs that still shook his thin frame, and they both huddled there on Jotaro’s bed, crying, letting it out, and their arms slipped around each other and held each other close, and their tears fell on each other’s faces, and both of their faces were blotchy and there was snot, but in Jotaro’s room, in the darkness - except for the shafts of moonlight falling through the window - they emptied themselves out into each other’s arms.

Their sobs subsided to shuddering gasps, but they didn’t loosen their grip. Jotaro broke the silence, speaking into Kakyoin’s hair. “I haven’t cried like this since I was ten,” he admitted.

Kakyoin stroked a hand up and down Jotaro’s wide back. “Why did you cry?”

Jotaro took another deep breath. “My dog died.”

“What was its name?”

“...Fish.”

Kakyoin snorted, but not meanly. He continued moving his hand up and down, up and down, slowly. “What did it look like?”

“She was brown. Sort of orange. Kind of big. She was really good at fetch and - and she was strong.”

“When did you get her?”

“My mom got her when she first found out she was pregnant. Said she wanted a playmate for me.”

“She sounds like a good dog.”

Jotaro drew in another shaky breath. “She was.”

Kakyoin pressed kisses on his neck as Jotaro cried anew.

 

-

 

They were sitting in the main room of the Kujo household, the stars beginning to appear as evening melted by. Kakyoin’s hand had paused in lifting his tea to his mouth.

“... You’re going to university in America?”

Jotaro nodded, stomach sinking a bit at Kakyoin’s stunned expression.

“America?” Kakyoin repeated. Jotaro nodded again.

“The university I’m going to has one of the best marine biology programs in the world,” he replied, taking a sip of his own tea. “It’s also right on the Gulf of Mexico, so there’ll be a lot of animals to study.”

Kakyoin’s brow furrowed, and he lifted his cup up to his mouth, keeping his face and tone neutral. “I see,” he replied. “That… that makes sense.” After a moment, he blurted out, “That’s really far away, Jotaro.”

Jotaro shrugged. “There’s phones. Email. I’ll be back to visit during vacations. It’s not like my family can’t afford airfare.”

Another pause. Jotaro felt a bit uncomfortable and itched for a cigarette, but all the decisions were already made and nothing could be done. Everything had been finalized the day before; Jotaro hadn’t wanted to get Kakyoin excited if nothing panned out this way. He was the first person outside of his mother and grandparents who he was telling about the decision. He had wanted him to be the first period, but it doesn’t work out that way when the main financiers of his education were also the nosiest relatives in the world.

There was a shaky thud as Kakyoin set his cup down. His hand was trembling a little. He was visibly composing himself. Jotaro should do something. Something. Anything. But he had no idea what he was supposed to do, the right answer to fix this situation that would be truthful. So he sat, silent, waiting for Kakyoin to speak. He didn’t want to make it any worse.

“If… if that’s what you think is best,” Kakyoin said slowly, eyes fixed inside his cup, “Then that’s your decision. And yes, we can keep in touch very easily.”

Yes. These were all true; both of them believed that Kakyoin was being sincere in this. Jotaro knew that Kakyoin loathed being ingenuine - he’d rather say nothing than misrepresent himself. Jotaro was the same way, just with less of an ability to represent himself at all. That’s what he had Kakyoin for.

But still… Kakyoin looked so frightened. He was visibly controlling his breathing. He looked as if he had five hundred things to say. That’s about as far as Jotaro was able to tell - Kakyoin was always more perceptive than he was, always knew the right thing to say, the right thing to do.

“It’ll be fine,” he cut into the silence in the absence of any words from Kakyoin. “We’ll be fine.”

Kakyoin looked over at him. He considered him. Then there was the exact moment Jotaro saw that infallible belief Kakyoin had in him settle once again, and the other dredged up a tiny but warm smile. “Yeah,” he said, grin slowly but steadily brightening as Jotaro let out his own small smile. “Yeah, we will.”

It was Kakyoin. He would never let go of him.

 

-

 

They stayed like that, entwined around each other throughout the night, talking idly, crying a few times more, and occasionally dozing off together. The room began to lighten with the sky outside, turning everything a pale shade of blue. It was so late - so early - so whatever, an hour that didn’t quite exist, and Jotaro felt like more than one person.

For all the weeping he had been doing, he felt - good. He had never let himself talk this candidly around anyone ever before, not even Kakyoin. He was very used to staying strong and invulnerable, and the sudden flood of feelings was jarring, definitely, but at the same time inevitable. And Kakyoin stroking his arm and nodding along to all the little doubts and secrets he had pent up over the years felt right, felt comfortable. With every word said his lungs felt a bit lighter. It was easier to breathe in the clear morning air.

Eventually, both of them dozed off as birds started to chirp outside.

Jotaro woke up first, sometime around one in the afternoon, sunshine making the room a clean gold. He stayed in bed, curling up around Kakyoin with his front pressed against Kakyoin’s back. Kakyoin would probably like something to eat upon waking, he thought, but he got the feeling that he would like waking up to Jotaro spooning him even more.

He was right. The decision to stay in bed was proven correct fifteen or so minutes later, when he got to watch Kakyoin’s eyes drift open, looking at first confused and sad. But then, when he saw and processed Jotaro behind him, his whole face lightened and he smiled, clutching on to Jotaro’s arm and pressing happy little kisses all over his hand and wrist.

The two of them wandered out of bed, Jotaro going to the bathroom and coming back out to see that Kakyoin had taken out one of Jotaro’s older shirts to wear, the hem coming down to mid-thigh on him.

Oh, god he was cute. It looked way too good on him. Jotaro was going to die.

He almost turned around and hid in the bathroom. Almost. But he didn’t. He summoned up the willpower to mutter, “That looks good on you.” Then he went and hid in the kitchen, followed by the sound of Kakyoin’s delighted laughter.

His kitchen was small, but it was open, and Kakyoin drew the curtains away from the bay windows so sunlight streamed in. “You have a really nice place, Jojo,” Kakyoin commented, looking out at the view as Jotaro started the coffeemaker.

Jotaro shrugged in response. “It’s okay,” he replied. “I really only sleep and study here. It’s not a big deal.”

“I guess,” Kakyoin said, coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around his waist. Jotaro tried not to drop the mugs. “You should decorate it, though. It would probably feel a bit homier.”

You’re all that I need to feel at home, Jotaro thought, and he almost said it out loud. But that was way too sappy, even for them. So he just dropped a kiss on the top of Kakyoin’s head and muttered, “Then you can get some curtains you think suit me, if that’ll make you happy.”

Kakyoin laughed lightly in response, squeezing him and letting go, and sure, Jotaro had phrased it as a joke. Didn’t mean he didn’t want that so badly his limbs ached.

There wasn’t much in Jotaro’s fridge and pantry, but each of them found something to eat. Kakyoin sat on the counter, Jotaro leaning against it next to him. It was quiet, but the two of them had never needed something to fill the space between words. They were often content to just spend time with each other in comfortable silence.

After a while, though, Jotaro said, “How long are you going to be in Florida?”

Kakyoin paused, remembering, lining up calendars. “Two weeks,” he answered.

“Oh.”

“I’ll be leaving on the 24th.”

“Oh.”

There was a short pause. Then:

“Whenever you’re free, we should spend that time together,” Jotaro said, taking a sip of his coffee, hoping he was able to mask how damn nervous he was. That was way too bold for everything he had put Kakyoin through. Dammit. Why would he want to spend any time together after Jotaro had tossed him aside that like that, as if one night would fix anything at all. Idiot. Asshole. Dammit.

When he looked up at Kakyoin’s face, however, he didn’t get the uneasy, about-to-let-him-down-easy response he thought he would. He got gentle surprise, lightly flushed cheeks, quiet exhilaration - a small smile. When Kakyoin saw him looking at him, his eyes darted down, blush increasing. “Yeah, of course - I’d like that a lot, Jotaro,” he murmured, eyes fixed on his feet.

Relief settled over him.

He cleared his throat and moved over to the sink to wash off his plate. He wasn’t feeling brave enough to say this directly to Kakyoin, but at least he was saying it - that had to count for something.

“Listen - after you have to go home, I don’t want to be like how I was last time,” he began. “That was all my fault. I know that.” He paused, summoning up the words and the strength. Kakyoin was silent next to him, waiting for him to continue. “... I want to try again. At us. Long-distance, too. If you don’t want to, that’s fine. I get it. I fucked up before. Last night didn’t fix anything, not three whole years. But I think… I learned. I’m sorry. And now I know what it’s like without you. And I don’t want to live like that again.”

Kakyoin didn’t speak. It was quiet, beyond the sound of cars driving past outside.

Sudden bravery seized him. He had never properly said this before, but with everything that had happened last night, everything that happened over the last three and a half years, he felt he should, and this conviction gave him the strength to turn around and face Kakyoin.

“Noriaki. I love you, and I don’t want to lose you.”

He could see his words hit Kakyoin, and he was able to watch as Kakyoin fully comprehended the weight of what he had finally just said. This was uncommonly bold for him, who preferred to let others infer his feelings, but he wanted to make it plain, state it out loud. So there would be no confusion and no regrets. So he could work for a future he wanted to live in.

A smile broke over Kakyoin’s face. He leaned forward, and kissed Jotaro in the middle of his sunlit kitchen, happy tears sliding down his cheeks.

 

-

 

It was late at night. The dorm room was dark, blinds pulled over the window. It smelled like stale smoke. On his desk, a dim light flickered on.

Jotaro glanced at his phone. Two missed calls.

His stomach churned.

It buzzed with a text. He saw it flash on the screen.

Did I do something wrong?

He felt like he was drowning.

He stuffed his phone into his drawer. Then he rolled over, and faced the wall until he fell asleep.

 

-

 

Jotaro was attempting to read an article but he couldn’t keep his focus. His thoughts were slipping away anxiously from the dense English text no matter how he tried to occupy them with something beyond the incredibly slow passage of time.

He pushed his chair away from his desk, standing up and resisting the urge to pace, reaching for a cigarette but then remembering that Kakyoin had thrown out all his packs, ostensibly for his health but mostly because he hated the smell and taste of them. “That asshole,” he muttered to himself, but there was a smile curling up his face and he knew he would never be able to bring himself to mind.

His phone vibrated. He snatched it up so fast it would be embarrassing if anyone were around to see it, but he had been waiting for this text since half a day ago.

Finally just landed in Japan! Miss you already. x

He smiled down at his phone. God, he was such a sap sometimes. He couldn’t mind though.

Miss you too. Call me when you can.

Will do!

Get home safe.



-


Additional Notes:

- The moral of this story is to communicate and to not pent up your feelings, especially in regards to one of the only people you talk to. A lot of this was taken from my own thoughts, fears, and experiences. I have many angry little thoughts on how SDC could be improved with overt criticisms and deconstructions of masculinity...

- In the past sections, Kakyoin is the first one to have dialogue, while in the present Jotaro is. This is to reflect how in the past Kakyoin was the one who took the initiative, while in the present Jotaro must make the first moves in order to succeed with the second chance Kakyoin is giving him.

- Sunlight, moonlight, and cigarettes are metaphors, in some fashion. Freebie: the cigarettes represent Jotaro's self-isolation. Also, the progression of the day is symbolic for how the relationship is going. In the past, they get together in the morning and it goes on until Jotaro ignores the texts at night; in the present, the estranged couple meet at night and get back together in the afternoon.

- You may also notice that nobody beyond Jotaro and Kakyoin in this fic is given a name or actual dialogue. It’s from Jotaro’s POV, so I wanted to show how he’s utterly, totally focused on Kakyoin, who is his emotional focal point and basically his world.

- I’ve left Kakyoin’s gender ambiguous beyond he/him pronouns, though he may use additional ones.

- This fic was inspired by and written entirely to “Only Ones Who Know” by Arctic Monkeys. That dreamy, lonely feel was what I was trying to get at.

- I firmly believe that they have a happy ending after this. Jotaro really throws himself into making sure he texts Kakyoin at least once every day, even if it's just a good morning text. They set up a schedule for phone calls and Jotaro gets Kakyoin’s snapchat. They send each other pictures of their campuses, studies, and daily lives, although Kakyoin sends in progress shots of his art while Jotaro sends shark guts. (Oh, Jotaro. Never change.) Then Kakyoin moves to America and they live together and raise some pets and get married. Joseph cries at the wedding. And that’s the AU.

 

This fic wouldn't be possible without myriad consultations with Yulen and Ty. I would not have had the willpower, no way. Thanks you guys!! And thank you, for reading.